


The Reconstruction of Rachel Duncan

by cloneclubdrinkstrolley (direwolfofhighgarden)



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-26
Updated: 2014-11-26
Packaged: 2018-02-27 02:12:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2675069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/direwolfofhighgarden/pseuds/cloneclubdrinkstrolley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In some respects, Rachel Duncan is a teenage girl. She sees the fierce flash of some kind of beast lurking in Sarah Manning, and she chases it.</p><p>Sarah Manning is her primal ego; the raw, enraged energy that swells in her being. This is what she tells herself when she calls Sarah into her office.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Reconstruction of Rachel Duncan

**Author's Note:**

> This is the closest to smutty I have gotten and probably will get in a while, oops!
> 
> At the same time, not so smutty at all, idek.

Every time she walks into a room, she hears ringing. It always happens when she crosses a threshold, and sometimes, she almost believes that this is a certain phenomenon that cannot be totally explained by science.

When she stands among others, she is fine. When she is by herself, there is still a comfortable silence. When she walks into rooms, however, the ringing is there.

She finds herself consulting Google, not ever bothering to delete her search history because no one touches her computer. The databases suggest that perhaps it's something regarding Tinnitis, and somewhere, she's read that the sound one hears in their ears may keep time with one's heartbeat, it may keep pace with their breathing, it may be constant, or it may come and go. She's read that it varies with people and that the sound is not entirely exclusive. This is as close to appreciation for poetry as Rachel Duncan can get.

Unfortunately, there are too many things in Rachel Duncan's life that happen which she cannot entirely explain. She would never dismiss these musings as an affinity for ignorance; she justifies her lack of knowledge with mere indifference, repeating the constant mantra in her head well enough to be able to regurgitate it vocally with her actual breaths that “That is not my concern”, or perhaps “I will not worry myself with such trivial matters”.

This is why she doesn't find it absurd that she is entirely capable of turning her childhood tapes into DVDs, though she never will. Rachel Duncan is not the type of woman to tell you she doesn't convert her tapes because she is _unconsciously or not_ living in the past. Rachel Duncan would tell you she doesn't convert her tapes because the change is irksome, and there is really no benefit to converting the format other than to keep up with technology.

In fact, if you ever asked Rachel Duncan about her tapes, you would probably be dead within the next few hours.

The men know better than to comment on her hair. She cut it blunt, symmetric, mature. There is not a hair out of line, and there is no maintenance required. Something that is so closely connected to her head should not be so unruly, so her haircut will never reach beyond her shoulders. Her hair will never be an entity of herself that goes beyond reach. _Even this must be in her control._

Of course, there is a certain margin of error that could escape her undoubtedly. Keeping her hair so close to herself means constant exposure of her shoulders. This is no miscalculation on Rachel's part, absolutely not. Shoulders are _seductive_. If she wishes, she could use it to her advantage. Most often, however, they seem to be her bane; where people imagine tensing in her shoulders, or imagine an involuntary shrug of indifference or ignorance, this is where Rachel loses control.

She knows she cannot control what people think, and this is why she maintains how she projects herself so that _they don't have to think about it_. This is as close to generosity as Rachel Duncan can get.

Rachel Duncan's entire life is a product of calculation, and she never fails to forget this. There is a total rejection of uncertain variables and there must always be total control. This utter entitlement is not a product of Leekie's predisposed assurances of her existence; she'd always been so bored of his emotional musings he'd spared for Rachel that she almost hadn't the heart to tell him to _fuck off_ , that she didn't need it and he could refrain from uttering lies.

In some respects, Rachel Duncan is a _teenage girl _. She sees the fierce flash of some kind of beast lurking in Sarah Manning, and she _chases it_. Sarah Manning is an uncertain variable that _shouldn't_ be sought after, but whatever it is in Rachel Duncan thirsts for it and even _needs_ it. __

When Rachel Duncan was faced with a gun, she had only several seconds to allow herself processing time. This, under normal circumstances, was just another uncertain variable in life. However, people don't usually find themselves in a situation where they are faced with a gun pressed to their cheek, so it is known that the precarious outcomes that resulted in that encounter were not _normal circumstances_. Sarah Manning wielding that gun was an uncertain variable and though Rachel loathed it, the decision rest with her identical. There were no telekinetic powers at her disposal to hold Sarah's finger from pulling the trigger or to slap the gun out of her hand altogether. Just like anyone else, Rachel Duncan was at the hands of an uncertain variable. 

Sarah Manning is her primal ego; the raw, enraged energy that swells in her being. This is what she tells herself when she calls Sarah into her office. 

__When Sarah shoves her into a wall and pushes her entire weight into Rachel, this is Sarah's choice. If there was a shadow in Sarah's irises that replaced their usual honey hue when her eyes consumed Rachel's body, that was also her choice._ _

__Rachel does nothing when Sarah is taking her, and this is the only time she subjects herself to an uncertain variable._ _

__Truthfully, there are no true travesties that could ensue from only two of the possible outcomes that occur with their meetings. Sarah will either be rough and brutal, or she will be gentle and malicious._ _

__Either way, Rachel Duncan chases it._ _

__There is no emotion when Sarah makes her beg. There is only the mechanical responses, the calculated breathy sighs that punctuate single-syllabic words that somehow ignite Sarah. Rachel knows to make it sound useless._ _

__“Please.”_ _

__When Sarah scratches at her back with frustration, using both hands to trace road lanes into Rachel's back as she unwittingly presses their chests together, Rachel knows to make it sound imploring when Sarah demands her to say it again. So she does._ _

“ _Please_.” 

__And for good measure, she adds a little whimper to feed the illusion of helplessness. She begins to expect the ferocity of Sarah's nails, digging into her skin like burning rubber as she relishes the marks being made on her body. Somehow, even in the midst of Sarah's demands, it is still always about Rachel._ _

Rachel is learning rather _intimate_ things about herself. Though it is the plan all along, to better _understand_ (exactly what, she still is not so sure), she still _neglects_ these findings. Though she knows it is probably not ideal to react to Sarah's heavy breathing in her ear, she almost rejoices when her negligence is immediately rewarded. She knows her pelvis shouldn't buck into Sarah's whenever Sarah scratches at her hips, but she does anyway. She can't help the guttural moans that resonate through her ribs. She doesn't bother stopping the husky moans that are produced in her throat whenever Sarah's mouth claims territory of every inch of Rachel's neck. She doesn't for once regret indulging Sarah in being able to find how to make her audibly groan by sucking on a certain vein in her neck, and she certainly doesn't regret pulling Sarah by her shirt collar like a dog so that she falls on her back against her desk. There are a handful of times Sarah will take direction from Rachel, and all of them are checked off in the several moments where their tongues are in each other's mouths and they are frantically stripping each other of their _inconvenient_ clothes. 

Rachel knows she should _never_ open herself willingly to Sarah, and at any other time her premature eagerness would be an abominable offence enough for her to want to punish herself permanently, but she never objects when Sarah pushes her legs apart and they both know it. 

__For once, Rachel doesn't feel offended by intrusion and she knows she shouldn't wrap her legs around Sarah's torso, but sometimes she does._ _

__Somehow, Rachel knows that Sarah doesn't favour when Rachel's legs tighten around her head when she's kissing her between her legs; it's not necessarily a strong distaste, it is simply a preference. Rachel can accommodate Sarah, because something in her actually enjoys Sarah's palms rubbing the back of her thighs like she's coaxing Rachel into a lulling ecstasy._ _

Rachel times herself so she slips into oblivion rather than fall with an emphatic boom. There are no bursting stars behind her eyelids when Sarah flicks her tongue _just at a certain moment_ in Rachel; there is only an encompassing rush of dark, inexplicable colours that paint her vision in waves. 

There is never obtrusive gestures of intimacy when Rachel is done. Sarah merely props herself on her elbows, _still always making a point to scratch at Rachel's hips_ and licks at especially tender spots, alternating between bites and nibbles of where her tongue has been that almost push Rachel into another layer of oblivion. 

Her stupid lips saunter and linger on her skin, dancing like the arousal that still sits in Rachel's lower abdomen. When she is finally face to face with Rachel, she compensates the profound objection of kissing her by biting on her collarbone, and Rachel knows to react by pulling on the girl's unruly mane. When Sarah responds by nibbling on her ear, raking her hands on Rachel's backside in a way that carries Rachel close to her chest again, Rachel has to bring herself to stop, so she shoves Sarah off and wriggles out of her arms because _once is already enough_. 

__Rachel forgives her own wanton inclinations. Everything in her life is a product of calculation. Though there were several minutes one could be under the illusion she wasn't in control, it is never the case. Sarah Manning is an uncertain variable and each encounter they had where Rachel is brought to a blundering orgasm is more knowledge of how she can destroy Sarah._ _

__Rachel is never one for reverse psychology, but she allows herself ~~the little pleasures of becoming undone by Sarah~~ to enjoy the dangerous act of gathering intel on Sarah Manning by being unravelled herself if it is enough to ruin Sarah for good._ _

__There are some things that cannot be explained, and Rachel refuses to associate the ringing in her ears to the gun that Sarah Manning shot at her and instead chooses to replace it with the sound of her own voice moaning wet sighs into Sarah's ear. She decides that the ringing is only heard when she walks into rooms because her muscle memory is relating it to stepping into the universe of pleasure at the hands of Sarah Manning. It is quite the far stretch, but it suffices. She tells herself anyway, there is nothing in science that could explain the collision of atoms and the fusion of identical DNA when Sarah and Rachel come together, so Rachel likes to believe she is setting some sort of monumental precedent in history. This is as close to a personal confession Rachel Duncan will ever make._ _

__Soon, Rachel can understand the entire equation and what variable Sarah Manning poses. She is beginning to understand her, and though she can never say she understands the monster in Sarah Manning, she can at least begin to say she can predict the animal inclinations that influence Sarah's emotions and mark every primal instinct that dictates Sarah's motivations._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what to say for myself. I mean, really, just why the HELL NOT??
> 
> Both parts Rachel Duncan worship/analysis, another TOTAL MECHANICAL SMUT. BECAUSE NOTHING IS NOT JUST NOTHING WITH RACHEL. If there is something to be done, there is a purpose for it. IT IS ALL JUST TACTICS AND RECONAISSANCE. Sex with Rachel is probably equally glorious and the other _so goddamn sterile_ because she is most likely taking notes of everything and JUDGING YOU.
> 
> But seriously, do clones have the same sexual urges as each other? Is this shared? Or is this also a matter of environment and nurture, like what is it?
> 
> Anyway, Queen Rachel is absolutely not in the business of denying herself what she wants. Totally subjective Rachel Duncan makes me weak and I'm beginning to be a sucker for it more so than Propunk power struggles... and it is quite the exciting change


End file.
